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| there is 1 hr left in the first day of 2008. This year is started in a weird way. Something that started ended. A song was written. Played frisbee with old friends. Been emo the whole day, which made me really weird. Made relationship weird. I seems like everything is falling apart now. But that is fine because that leaves room for more growth. Resolution: lets be less afraid and more bold in our actions.
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| Tonight it rains in New York. Your perfection seems so real, something i can never obtain. Tonight i break. Tonight the rain says you're not what I am. I can never be like you, with you, beside you, overpass you. I will always be here, looking up, your life always better. I know such thoughts are the only things that keep me here, in the ditch under you. So like a hundred suns ill burn and run. no one prescribes my place. I will stare at you in the face and say hi, we are equals. No words bruise me because i have my own substance. I am secure in who I am and who God is. God made me with his own hands. Let his creation go closer to fulfill its creators intention. let his creation reach closer to completion. I will go beyond what you are but not in that mindset of pride. I will know I am where you are when i do not feel inferior, when the great paradox is understood and I know I can. I acknowledge my faults, but I see my strength. My faults become my greatest strengths and my strength i lift up to Him in praise. Tonight it rains. There is pain in the drops. Maybe it is the combination of air pressure and humidity that i feel the way i do, an overwhelming of emotion--a sudden awareness. Let this pain be my awakening. Let the pain fuel my determination. Let it set my paths straight, and let me know who I am and who I will be. Let pain rain down and i will stand strong. It will be like water to a plant.
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| In an attempt to do what I like, I feel that I am not involved at all. Maybe I've been using the "I only want to commit to what i enjoy" as an excuse. I need to draw that line between laziness and doing what I enjoy. At least I'm sleeping a lot ^___^
I think I am becoming more and more like a hippy. Or maybe I just care more about social issues and have become more liberal with my clothing 0_o
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| Allow me to share with you my academic life. I have classes on mon, tues, wed, and thurs. I have on class on every other friday, but it really can't be considered a class, especially since i dont even get a grade for it. On Mondays and Wednesdays, i have to get to class by 8 55, and the teachers dont care if you're late, so technically i dont have to get there at all. But, i do because im paying for it. On Tuesdays and thursdays i get to class by 9 30. I basically have 2 plus hrs of time inbetween each class, so after my first classes, i just go back to the dorm and nap. If i decided to be studious, i may go to the lib and study, which will eventually turn into a nap. At night i go to meetings, which include Bible study and clubs. I've joined a lot of clubs, as of now, im in the process of choosing which ones to be a part of. Breakdance club is a definite ^___^;
Classes are much faster paced compared to high school's. It's not so bad if you put your time into reading and what not. I just feel like a loser for staying i friday night. But i guess theres a time to socialize and a time to study. I need to socialize more. hard to believe huh?
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| Classes are about to start in a few days. They start this coming Wednesday. I'm taking all these core classes, including two math classes, which is ridiculous. I will go see my counselor to see if I can take an art class--just something to relieve some stress and what not.
The hardest thing now is discerning when to do what. I think there is a time to go out and have a blast, and there is a time to just relax, stay in and have some personal time. Too much of either is bad. I think sometimes I'm being held back from some social events because I'm Christian. It's my consciousness telling me something is wrong. It is a gray area, something that I'm not sure about. I need to know more about this, because I don't feel that I should be held back from socializing, especially dancing. However, as a Christian, there are certain limits that are clearly there, I guess that that should be the mindset.
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